It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
