You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
