My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
