I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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