i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
