Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
