i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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