how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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