Old men and throwing up are my life now.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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