Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize