my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
