Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
