I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
