the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
