New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
