Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
