a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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