i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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