Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
