apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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