I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
