If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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