If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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