i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
