Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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