What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
