coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
