i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize