Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
