I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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