took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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