so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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