I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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