My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
