i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
