We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
