I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
