Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Operation Purity has been aborted
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize