oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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