Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
