She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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