i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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