we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
