Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
