Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
