Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
