well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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