you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
