She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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