Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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