Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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