I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
