Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize