She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
