i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
