I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
All I want is dick and wine.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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