Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize