i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
