Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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