were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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