I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The uberlube is also flammable
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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