she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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