You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
