Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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