Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
