Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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