I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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