I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
