Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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