What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
