I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
