When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
