New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
