Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
