STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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